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Until you become a mother it is hard to grasp the idea that you can truly lose your identity in motherhood. Once you become a mom, you realize just how easy it is to lose yourself in the business of motherhood. Keep reading to see 5 ways you can rediscover yourself outside of being a mom & 5 ways you can find the joy in motherhood.
It’s not uncommon for mothers to feel like they’ve lost a part of themselves after having kids, and this is often a result of the overwhelming responsibilities and changes that come with motherhood. Also, just to be clear, losing your identity in motherhood does not mean that you are not living out your dream! However, recognizing and acknowledging this feeling of losing oneself is crucial in being able to rediscover and reclaim your identity as a mother. By understanding why we may feel this way, we can take steps towards finding ourselves again and embracing our new roles as mothers.
Understanding why moms lose themselves in motherhood
Being a mother means a huge shift in lifestyle and responsibilities, from being an autonomous person to being fully responsible for another human being round the clock. This transition can be exhausting and can cause a dramatic change in one’s life, leading to feeling drained and disconnected from oneself. Let’s just look at a couple things that a mom is most likely experiencing like:
- constantly prioritizing others over themselves
- losing control of their own schedule– the baby obviously comes first – but I am willing to bet mom is scheduling more than just baby and herself she is probably covering dads schedule, being responsible for important dates, birthday parties, holidays, scheduling dr apt and so much more.
- watching her body change before her eyes and being sacrificed for her family – For example it is crazy that from the moment you find out your pregnant you are just along for the ride no more control over what you are going to endure for the next 9 months of pregnancy & however many months postpartum!
- Feeling dependent on others
- Sense of loneliness and isolation
- Feeling stuck and being able to chase your dreams
- Constant worries and anxieties about children
When Motherhood Becomes Your Identity
As a stay-at-home mom of two toddlers for the past four years, I’ve found that it can be easy to lose myself in the day-to-day responsibilities of motherhood. My hobbies, goals, and interests started to feel like a distant memory and I felt like I was just going through the motions of life. I dedicated those first 3-4 years fully devoted to my family & my kids. Then I realized I missed being me and doing things that inspired me and let me be creative & grow.
This constant state of busyness can also take a toll on my mental and emotional well-being. It took me a while to understand that me doing things for myself didn’t make me a less good mom, in fact, it make me a better mom. That is when I finally started devoting more time to blogging, picking up passions I always wanted to do like diy & design and photography! I am still working on learning how to take time for self-care but that’s a different story.
It’s important to find ways to rediscover ourselves after motherhood, to regain a sense of who we are and what we want for ourselves outside of being a mom for: ourselves, our families and as an example to our kids! I am always looking for simple ways to make this a priority and to balance my role as a mother along side my own personal growth.
5 Ways to Rediscover Yourself & Find the Joy In Motherhood:
When you step back and realize that you have been pouring in everyone else’s cup more than your own, or you just don’t feel like yourself anymore- Step back and try adding these things to your life to make sure that you can rediscover yourself & find the joy in motherhood.
1. Start a new hobby or make time for your passion
Stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new hobbies or pursuing a passion can be a great way to rediscover yourself and find fulfillment in motherhood. It can provide a much-needed break from the daily routine and give you a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
Additionally, it can also help improve your mental and emotional well-being, boost your self-confidence, and provide a sense of identity outside of being a mom. Having a hobby or passion can also be a great way to socialize and make new friends, which can help combat feelings of isolation and loneliness that can come with motherhood. So, it’s worth to try something new and see how it can help you in your motherhood journey.
2. Organize a mom group of your own
As a mom it can feel like you are constantly around people who don’t understand how much you are balancing. As much as we love what we are doing, there is something so special about connecting with other moms who get it, like really get it.
This year, one of my friends created the best things ever, a moms dinner club. She pulled moms together from all areas of her life and put us all in one group. We have a monthly on going dinner date at different restaurants around town. There is no pressure, you show up when you can. There is usually a different group every time and it is so nice to meet new moms and build relationships! Anyone can bring a friend so you are always connecting with new faces. It is so much easier and less pressure than trying to make mom friends on your own and when you’re just doing playdates with the kids because that is kind of exhausting and you can’t ever finish a conversation lol
Another great way would be to start a bible study, book club, walking group or something that is dedicated to connecting with other moms and not just through playdates. It really is a great way to fill your cup!
3. Start Journaling & Self-Reflecting
Being a mom changes you but it doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your goals, hopes, or dreams. In fact, becoming a mom may have made those goals clearer or showed you a whole new dream you didn’t know you had.
Part of rediscovering yourself after motherhood is figuring out how the old you meshes with the new you. It is important to find out what your new path is and how you can start to incorporate that in the day to day hustle and bustle.
Start each morning or end each night with a little self-reflection or guided journal questions to help you list out your new goals & dreams. Start with the goals for the next day, then the next week and then the next month and then long term.
Most people don’t take the time to really, vividly imagine the best versions of themselves. But this exercise can be pivotal to rediscovering yourself, what your dreams are, and feeling like you have goals and a life outside of motherhood. You can also create a vision board for yourself outside of motherhood, check out my blog on vision boards here and download the free template.
4. Listen To Audiobooks or Podcasts
Having a sense of accomplishment and progress in life is crucial for overall happiness, and this doesn’t change when becoming a mother. As moms, it can be easy to feel like we’ve sacrificed our own goals and aspirations for our children. But by setting personal goals for ourselves, we can break out of that feeling of stagnation and find fulfillment in our lives. One way to stay motivated and inspired while working towards these goals is by incorporating the habit of listening to audiobooks or podcasts while completing simple tasks such as laundry or dishes. Not only does this make the most of our time, but it also allows us to continue learning and growing while fulfilling our responsibilities as mothers. This way, we can stay motivated and inspired to work towards our personal goals, and ultimately, become the best version of ourselves.
Here is a list of all the audio-books I have been incorporating into my daily routine. I used to think I would never have time to listen to a whole book but I quickly realized I5 minutes doing laundry, 20 minutes driving to and from the store actually add up pretty quickly.
5. Get a Part-Time Job or Volunteer
One of the most effective ways to rediscover yourself after motherhood is to pursue interests and activities that are separate from your role as a parent. This can be done by engaging in activities such as volunteering for a charity or taking on a part-time job. By stepping out of the house and interacting with other adults, you can foster a sense of connection and community, and re-establish your own identity. Additionally, having a purpose or goal outside of motherhood can help you to feel more fulfilled and like yourself again. And if you want to, you can also start your own business or find ways to earn money from home as well. This can give you a sense of accomplishment, and also boost your self-esteem and confidence.
Use these 5 examples to find yourself again after motherhood…
Motherhood can be a beautiful and transformative experience, but it can also leave you feeling isolated and disconnected from the world outside. To rediscover yourself and regain a sense of identity, it’s important to pursue activities and interests that are separate from your role as a parent. This can include volunteering, part-time work, starting a business, or any activity that you’re passionate about. By stepping out of the house and interacting with other adults, you’ll foster a sense of connection and community, and re-establish your own identity. Moreover, having a purpose or goal outside of motherhood can help you to feel more fulfilled and like yourself again, and set a good example for your children. Remember to take some time for yourself, and don’t hesitate to try out different activities until you find something that resonates with you. You deserve it!
How Long Does it Take to Adjust to Motherhood?
The adjustment period to motherhood can vary greatly from person to person. Some women may feel comfortable and confident in their new role as a mother right away, while others may take longer to adjust. Factors such as previous parenting experience, emotional and physical well-being, support system, and the baby’s temperament can affect the adjustment period. It’s common for new mothers to experience feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty during this time.
In general, it can take several weeks to several months for new mothers to fully adjust to the physical and emotional demands of motherhood. This is a normal process and it’s important for new mothers to give themselves time and space to adjust. Support from family and friends, as well as the help of healthcare professionals, can also help ease the transition.
It’s important to remember that every mother and every baby is different and that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to how long it takes to adjust to motherhood. It’s also important to keep in mind that there is no shame in seeking help if you are struggling with adjusting to motherhood. There are many support groups, counseling, and resources available to help new mothers navigate this transition period.
Are you a new person after having a baby?
Becoming a parent can be a transformative experience, and it can certainly change one’s life in many ways. However, it’s important to remember that you are still the same person you were before having a baby. While you may have new roles, responsibilities, and experiences, you are still you.
Having a baby can bring about new perspectives, priorities, and challenges and that can feel different but it is okay!. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to change and grow as a person.
Becoming a mother is a huge change and will definitely change your life so its normal to feel like a new person.
Motherhood can change a woman’s identity in various ways. It can bring about new roles and responsibilities, such as being a caretaker, nurturer, and teacher to a child. It can also change a woman’s priorities and perspectives, as the well-being and needs of the child become a top priority. This can lead to a shift in the way a woman sees herself and the world around her.
Motherhood can also bring about physical and emotional changes, such as changes in body shape, sleep patterns, and stress levels. These changes can affect a woman’s self-perception and self-esteem.
Moreover, motherhood can also bring about social changes, as a woman’s relationships with friends, family, and partner may shift. For example, a woman may have less time for social activities or may have to navigate new social dynamics as a mother.
In general, motherhood can change a woman’s identity in many ways, but it’s important to remember that it’s possible to maintain one’s sense of self while adjusting to these changes. It’s also important to remember that every woman’s experience of motherhood is unique, and that there is no one right way to navigate this transition. These changes are not a bad thing it is simply your life in a new and exciting direction.
There are so many possibilities for growth and change and focusing on yourself still! It’s essential to give yourself time and space to adjust, and to seek support when needed. Otherwise think of these new changes as exciting while you get to know yourself in this new chapter.
How has your adjustment to motherhood been? Let’s share our experiences with one another! Leave a comment below or over on Instagram @brooketanner.